The Subtle Art of Not Giving F*uck by Mark Masson

The Subtle Art of Not Giving F*uck  by Mark Masson is counter-intuitive approach of Living a good life (wikipedia). 

I was hesitant at first to read this book because of it's title, but as they say "do not judge the book by its cover", This book is one of those brutally honest and direct to the point approach book i have read so far. It will honesty fuck you for your delusional approach towards life and will bring you back to reality as if someone throw pebbles in your head! 

It was April 11, 2020 when i first read this book recommended by my friend Sam, but it took me 4 months to finally be able to create blog about this book, the lesson has hit me so much, as i look into my own life, reflect and see where i am as of the moment by doing a honest and brutally true self evaluation which is not easy at all.

I grown up in both educated and well respected family where we care about what others say. My mom would always told me, you have to be prim and proper because what would our neighbor would say,what would our relative would say, what would this and that would say. My mom is always concern about the opinion of the people around her that at many times i find that she do so many decision based on the acceptable norm around her. Never did i remember that mom dis something interesting that would blow the mind of the people around her, she is always in safe mode. To be honest i didn't understand about all of this, all i know is that i belong to a family where i should not make wrong about anything in my life. But just like what many family there is someone who is special, and i consider myself as one. Specially delinquent!. 

Well we are four sibling, all of them are honor student (Valedictorian or 1st honorable) and me? well i am top student, top to the bottom student because i am either last section or second to last section, who did so many wrong during my school days! You name it, probably i did!, did i regret it? Of course not, i enjoy my youth so much that at 31 i find those event the best in my life. 

But what really are the lesson that i have learn from this book? and why this book is worthy of our attention? Well read further and you will know why.

1. Do not give a F*** about everything

We are in the era of social media, where people post about their delusional and fake life inch by an inch via facebook, instagram, twitter you name it!. We can observed that almost every feeds people want to display their best selfie, their best moment, achievements and whatever they may think. And if you are a person who has no control over your emotions you would have long think that your life is a total F*** because look at you, you don't have of those that they have.

But the truth is, social media is pedicure and well directed, over exaggerated movie of  those who make it their life, people are posting fakes moments just to get likes and comments, but inside they are dying. They are the people who are lonely but seek approval via social media in order to get self validation, of self acceptance.

Of course not all, but many of them!

2. Choose what and where to give F***

Simple means that not everything around you is worthy of your attention! We have to choose our battle, and see which among this battles are worthy of our effort, time, and attention. Only by doing so will be able to pull our self and have directions towards the path that we wanna pursue. 

Many of the people who talk to us, has nothing to talk but the shit that they repeatedly talk all over again, the worst we find our self being drain because they talk nothing but their problems as if they are the only person who have the biggest problem in the world. Not those friend of yours who think that it's the end of the world just because her puppy die, or her cat run away. Not even your friend who feel so worthless after breaking up! Comon! those problem exist the time that your still in the womb of your mother, and even if you die, similar problem will occur.

Talk to them but will never tolerate them to do it all over again because at the end of the day, they will just suck up all energy you have while leaving you so helpless. 

3. We have so many stuff

We are bombard by the advertisement where we need to have this and that in order  to be called beautiful or handsome.

I was in South Korean back in November 2018 for my dream half a month vacation to finally see the palace that i only see in Kdrama, to shop at Myeongdong which is the paradise of the make-ups and beauty products because at 30 i wanna have my very own set of make up and whatever that patches that i can put into my face! But instead of going home with so many stuff like Kpop merchandise, and other Korean items specially the beauty products what i see is the beauty of having less after staying with my foster family where i stay in a very minimalist room, i literally did not shop much rather booked myself to a more greater experience by visiting the other province and city in Korea. 

And those journey has change me...LESS IS MORE... I have talk alot about minimalist in my previous blog (so, please check it if your interested about it). Owning so much stuff, owns me, instead of me owning them, because i need to put so much time in taking care of them, while owning less give me so much freedom to do what i love, and what make me happy. By owning less i got more freedom. 

4. Focus and Priority

In life we want to many things and we have so many goals, but at the end of the day we waste our time by trying to figure out all the goals at the same time base on our list without really accomplishing anythings. The best thing that we can do is to narrow those list and arrive in a very few yet significant goal, focus and live life that align with that goal. 

Our focus and priority in life has something to do with our choosen struggle. On a personal note and best example that i can give is me choosing delayed gratification in order for me to retire by aged of 40 (In shaa Allah). My retirement plan is simple, live in a one source of income which is my regular 8-5 job and the rest shall go to my real estate investment. As what Chinkee Tan have mentioned so many time in his youtube channel "Although we stop working but our expenses dosen't stop" that we need to focus on saving and investing if we want to retire young and not broke. 

5. There is no value in suffering when it is done without purpose 

Our why in life is the most important than how, why do we need to wake up everyday and work? why? why? Perhaps our why is the most difficult question that we need to answer for our self. I honestly haven't fully answer mine, but as of the moment if i have to answer the above question i would have say "because i wanna live in a place where i can grow my own food, and do some gardening, be able to travel for few days without worrying about how many e-mail i have to answer or phone call that i will miss if i don't have signal"

6. Your emotions is not always right
We all meet people who will say "Follow your heart" but the truth is our heart and brain docent always speak right, that is why checking our own self, emotions, and paying attention to how are we reacting to the things around us will help us evaluate ourself in a more constructive way.

Have you ever feel so sad without for unknown reason, well for us ladies probably it's just a hormonal imbalance or might be that our period will come in a few days.

7. Define your own success
How do you define your own success? How do you know your already successful? Is it having 1 million dollar in your bank account, is it having huge house? When i was 18 (back in 2006) i define success as having my own laptop, stable job and my own car to drive. But at 23 after having them all my definition of success change. I cannot help but to agree with what Shiek Ismael Mufti Menk has mentioned while watching one of his Khutbah via youtube when he say that "When you give the son of Adam a mountain full of gold he want more" In did it was true.

Our definition of success may change, but we should always focus on our own definition and not by comparing our success to others, by doing so will be able to focus on what we truly value in life base on our own views.

8. Our reaction towards our problem
We cannot control our problem, but we can choose on how to approach and address them. As i write this blog the world is currently experiencing COVID-19 Pandemic that result to people loosing a job. In this situation their are those who lost their job but find opportunity elsewhere by using their common sense and initiative. On the other hand are those people who lost their job and find that its the end of the world, so flat broke and broken. Your approach towards the problem you are  facing will define who are you as a person and what truly matter to you. 

I can go on and on telling you guys what i have learn from this book, for sure if i re-read it again i will learn further, but i will keep this blog short and i hope that my message has reach you all with clear understanding. Godbless!

It's Okay to Not Be Okay 사이코지만 괜찮아

Its okey not to be okey  (Psycho, But its okey) is a South Korean Romantic Television series. The series tells an unusual romance story between two people who end up healing each other's emotional and psychological wounds (Wikipedia).

As Psychology graduate, this drama series has interest me so much, although even after having my diploma i can say that i am not expert in this field as the Theory of Frued has been scattered and only few was left  in my brain (hahaha!). But I remember our class in Abnormal Psychology where we talk about Donna William who is diagnose autistic but turn to be a writer. Mental health is still a taboo in our society, many of us are still hesitant  to go out and seek professional help from our license and register psychologist as they always thought that a person who visit psychologist are insane. 

On the contrary, i meet alot's of people (oh let me correct it TON's) of people that if they know you are psychology graduate they instantly tell you their heart warming stories full of conflict saying that because you are psychology then they can just throw anything on to you, because your a psychology you can give solutions to their emotional and mental problem. Hoh, hoh, hoh! hold one people. Psychology graduate are not FREE shock absorber!

Television series do not often talk about mental health, and if they do talk about it, they put the character as burden, sorrowful and baggage wherein in fact not all of those who are mentally challenge are burden in our society because we have those who have special skills that need to be develop so they can be someone else. Now let me go from character to character and try to give lesson that i have learn from each of them from this drama series.

Moon Gang-tae

His character is the manifestation of taking the family burden and you have no option but to swallow it.

As a young boy who has lost his mother and grow up without a father, he has to act as  father, mother and brother to his autistic older brother. 

Many can relate to his character in a very special way because we once carry a burden of the family and we have no choice but to carry it. On a very personal note, i felt that my youth has been stolen because i have to live in a very miserable way because of family responsibility. I have to give up various dreams because if i wont carry it, then who else would do. I just thank God that i have offloaded those baggage at 30 and if in the future the same will arise, i will only chose my battles, choose what is good for my mental health and emotional well being, and just like Gang-tae i will own a camper van and go to places. In shaa Allah.

Ko Moon-young

Someone asked me before am i depressed? I said to him "you are stress, but you will be okey". Many of us thought that depress individual are those who cry very loud, but it was the opposite. Ko Moon-young has show that well in this drama.  

Her character is the manifestation of dying inside, of fake glitters, of exactly a helpless person trying to hide so many sorrow. Her fame as a book author does not excuse her from suffering emotionally.  She is beautiful, brave , wealthy but behind those attributed is a girl who is helpless. The true face of depression is not those who cry so loud, but those who smile while the eyes may mean something, those who hide their battle in a cryptic post, arts, and many more. 

Having said so, we should always focus on our self because no one know the demon that our loveones is battling. We only know what they allowed us to know. So be kind.

Moon Sang-tae

Moon Sang-tae has said to his brother "Your body is honest. When you're in physical pain you cry. But the heart is liar. It stay quiet even when it is hurting". Him saying this to his brother made me realized how intelligent autistic is and if they are given a chance they can be the best version of themselves. 

I love Moon Sang-tae character so much! I believe that his character has portrait mental health is not a taboo, that despite the fact that he is autistic he has dream, and he know what he want and what makes him happy. 

The final episode where he bid goodbye to his brother and best friend really touch me as a person because not everyone is brave to choose what they want, and go to where they want. But Mong Sang-tae is the man who know ways to achieve his dream.

Oh Ji-wang 

The best line that Dr. Oh that i really like is "When you're tired get some rest. When you're sad, go ahead and cry. Its okey to do that" Now everyone can express his or her self in an appropriate manner. Some choose to hide their pain though cryptic post, arts, song, dance... That is why we always need to respect peoples personal space because we never knew what demons they are facing while laughing in front of us.

Dr. Oh is a man who spend so much of his time and energy in his profession, yet end up realizing that he is no good at judging people because he never knew that his head nurse Park Haeng-ja is the mother of Ko Moon-young. To many people has marry their work but at the end of the day, when they get terminated, what was left to them? Themselves, if you don't love yourself enough you will end up depressed. 

Nam Ju-ri 

Many if not all has love someone who doesn't love us in return. Nam Ju-ri is a woman who stay strong by loving Gang-tae even though Gang-tae cannot love him back. 

She once said  "If you want to make the people around you happy, you must find your own happiness first. Being selfish isn't  always a bad thing. It's okey to do that" It was true in many sense, because loving our self, and being happy as an individual illuminate and radiate to the people around us, if we love ourself enough then loving the people around us comes naturally.

Jo Jae-soo (The Best Friend) and Lee Sang-in (The Manager)  

Angels are not always in heaven sometimes they are with us. Our  best friend who never leave us on our sorrowful moments, who understand us in a deeper manner. Jae-soo and Sang-in is that best friend that we always wanted to have in our life, angel in the land.  

So, have you watch it? I hope you do, and learn from it also!

Saving money while in Qatar or Gulf Region

I have meet tons and tons of OFW living and working here in GCC for a very long time now. I randomly asked them "How long have you been in Qatar?", "How do you invest?" am always fascinated by the various answer, some answer made me really learn that i even ask further "how did you make it?", "how to be you?" while some answers really broke my heart for alot of them got no saving despite of working here for a decade or more. I am not expert in field of Financial literacy, but i would say this is one of the topic very close to my heart. And allow me to share to you the following.

1. No to impulsive buying

Few days back is Eid holiday, malls and various establishment have various sales and discounts, walking at the mall made me wanna spend all the money that i have in my wallet its really tempting!!

 I know it will happen, so i only bring money that i can spend before heading at mall without bringing my credit or debit card. And if i will see another item that i wanna buy or like but not in my list, i will take a photo and see if i still want the said item after 30 days. If i do have the same eagerness i will buy it, if not then i wont.

2. Buy only what is necessary

For me buying what we need instead of what we want is the key to financial freedom. Our want will never end and that's for sure. But one of the main reason why i always advise to buy only what you need while you are in foreign country is that many of us do not have plan to stay here forever. Lets be honest, most of us are here because of the work,buying un-necessary things that wont bring value to your life is a waste of money, at the end will all end up selling them at lower price when our time to leave the country has come.

3. Budget your money

Budgeting our money from one source of income will help us a lot. I have E-shop and prior to my journey on educating my self into financial freedom i used to mix my income from my regular job and my e-shop, and i always find myself having more cash in my wallet at end up at mall buying un-planned purchase.

Thanks to financial education because i can now totally separate my income, and i am now living based on one source of income which is my regular job, whatever money that would come from other sources will go directly to savings and investment.

4. Track your expenses

It was 8 months ago when i fully pledge to track my expenses, and what good things about it is knowing where your money go, and what kind of purchases that you made. Being conscious about your purchase will help you increase your financial situations. Each money i have my own expenses tracker, by having it helps me see  what are my weakness and improve myself towards it.

5. Save before you spend

I wish i practice this when i was in my 20's. But then at 30's i know its not yet late. Few years back,  i spend all my money to mostly un-necessary purchase then i save what is left. But as i write this blog, i used to save mostly 50% of my money and spend what is left. By doing this i see significant increase in my saving which i can later on put into some investment if i wish so. 

6. Piggy Bank

I usually empty my wallet after receiving my new salary, and what ever is left will go straight to my piggy bank, each piggy bank has its purpose, and even if am running out of money i will not touch it except if used for its own purspose. Thanks to Chinkee Tan for this advise!.

By doing this i have money to look forward at the end of the year. My piggy bank usually serve as my self gift and i am always amaze by how much amount of money i save by simply doing so. Indeed small amount makes big difference.

7. Groceries in Bulk

Middle has many discounts specially if you buy in bulk taking advantage of it will help you save money. And because your buying in bulk investing to a good size refrigerator will help you. There are some items also like onion, tomato that you can plant and harvest when needed in your small space.

8. Storing foods

Invest in a big refrigerator where you can store most of the products, and have a meal planning. Although i am not a good cook, but this way save me alot.

 

9. Water Purifier

Fuel is cheap at 1.25 qar per litter or around 15php while the 300ml  of water cost more than that! Water Bottle is everywhere in Qatar, very convenient, I often see household who opted to have drinking water to be deliver in their house. I am not against this, but i prefer to invest in a good quality water purifier so i don't have any problem drinking water in our faucet. In just 3 months you get your investment and you will save alot.

10. Take advantage of Sales & discount

Contrary to what many believe sales and discounts will save you money. What i mean by this is buying the items that you need specially if they are on sale. This is mostly common on groceries.

11. Live near your workplace

Not everyone has car, or can afford to buy car,so if your one of them try to stay near your workplace so you dont have to pay for expensive taxi fare you may also try to save money on transpo by sharing or splitting the payment. If you are interested in this topic this please read my blog regarding "Owning vs Renting vs Riding Taxi" and i  hope that it will help you!

12. Choose affordable and quality housing

Perhaps this is where most of the money goes. House rent. As much as i wanna say go for the cheap one, i would recommend that you will all go quality one. I remember staying in a share accommodation during my 1st years in Qatar and it was a huge mess. One bathroom has to be share by 5-10 ladies, plus the fact that some flatmate are noisy, added to that is drama everywhere. Its tiring and stressful aside from work pressure and stress.

Our mental health will add to our productivity as an individual so it would always better to stay to the place where we can relax, enjoy and have our me time after a stressful and tiring work. 

You should choose AFFORDABILITY and QUALITY by choosing a decent surroundings, its a bonus if you can found in a place where public transportation is easily available specially if you don't have car.