The world of Married Couple

I have been a fan of Korean Drama for quite sometime now, and not just it give me so much entertainment but it also give me so much to learn about the culture, traditions and many aspect of life as a whole. I particularly fancy the Korean Drama with plot of Joseon Dynasty.  Joseon Dynasty lasted for approximately five centuries, that leave substantial legacy to modern Korea; much of modern korean culture, etiquette, norms, and societal attitudes towards current issues and language.

I have watch quite alo't of the KDrama but i would say it would be the my first blog entry for a review about the lesson that we can squeeze from this. For those who are not fan of KDrama The world of the Married is a South Korean drama.  

Ji Sun-woo  is a family medicine doctor. She is married to Lee Tae-oh and they have a son. She seems to have everything, including a successful career and a happy family, but unbeknownst to her, she is betrayed by her husband and friends.

But what do we really learn from this drama? Well i have list the following lesson per character. Please note that all of this opinion are my personal opinion and if you differ from mine you are free to have your own and write your own blog.

1. Ji Sun-Woo

Dr. Ji seems to be a woman of Power, she is holding a position of Director from the Hospital she is working. But behind this woman is a scar that hunt her. She is silently suffering from Post Traumatic Disorder. Her mother become mentally challenge after knowing that her husband has mistress. Her mother eventually died in a car crash but this part of her life wasn't talked much. Perhaps she wanted to erase it.

Her character display a woman in package, that despite of the betrayal from the people around her, she continue to be  strong, that no matter what happen she try to get up, the situation maybe too harsh for her, that lead her to make wrong decision just like having an affairs with his husband friends (Son Je-hyuk) but still she try and keep on trying to move on, pick up her pieces and continue life. And give life a good fight.

2. Lee Tae-oh

Perhaps we may hate Tae-oh character because he destroy his family. He once mentioned that he love both woman and he don't want to lost any of them. Perhaps their is no  law that say's you cannot love two or more person at the same time. Even in our modern age mistress is still a taboo. I myself is against polygamy despite the fact that my religion (Islam) permits our men to marry up to four provided that they are "Just".

For me men in today's generations can never be at the level of Prophet Mohammad SAW or the Sahaba (companion) who may get second up to forth with and be just to any of them. Men of today has only understood marrying four wife, but never understood the its conditions. They should first correct their doing like correcting their character before they would jump into another sunnah later on. 

On a technical note if my husband will have another wife, i would be in such dilemma that may affect my relationship with him. With-it i would go away. (Again this is just my personal opinion and you are free to have yours).

If you look at closer the character of Tae-oh he cannot bear that her ex-wife Dr. Ji is happy dating another man. It affect him so much. He even want Dr. Ji to leave the town or else he will crash him. The truth is wither the betrayal is from men or woman it is hugely painful for both parties. So avoiding it will be much better. 

3. Yeo Da-kyung

The mistress now the legal wife. He got Tae-Oh from Dr. Ji. Perhaps we hate so much her character because she is the home-breaker or we can call her whatever we want. It is true that we can never teach ourself to whom we are going to love, sometimes what we hate, and what we always avoid, we end up on that situations. That is why we always have to be cautions. 

In my opinion if we are already feeling something towards someone else, then we should start doing a background check to know if he/she is married or not. If we find out that they are already committed to others specially in marriage then it is our responsibility to walk away if we have respect to ourself.

What comes around goes around. Because in the later episode Da Kyung is suffering for the same karma.

4. Son Je-hyuk and Go Ye-rim

Je-Hyuk betray her wife Ye-rim so many times. He has huge admiration towards Dr. Ji but he is married to Ye-rim.

Marrying someone else while having a huge admiration to other person is a huge betrayal to ourself and our partner and no one ever deserve it that way. The character of Je-Hyuk is also notable for using her position as accountant for her to have sexual relationship with Dr. Ji in exchange of the valuable information regarding Tae-oh financial situations. 

At the end what he got was more misery because she end up hurting her wife so much that she can no longer take it that make Ye-rim leave her and ask for divorce.

5. Park In-gyu and Min Hyun-seo

Love is supposed to be the feeling that would uplift our well-being as a person and would make us a better person. 

This two character in this drama is the exact portray of a Saddist (a person who derives pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain or humiliation on others.) and Masochist (a person who derives sexual gratification from their own pain or humiliation).

Hyen-seo stay with In-gyu telling that no one would be their for this man, the truth is he is just tolerating his partner for long time that makes it too difficult for her to run away. If the love is already hurting you both physical and mental, then know that no matter how difficult it is walk away, walk away to save yourself, walk away to have self  respect, walk away, just walk away.

6. Sol Myung-sook and Kim Yoon-gi

This two Doctors are real snake walking in the corporate world who act as very helpful to Dr. Ji yet has the hidden motive to dethrone her from her position as Director in the hospital. 

In real life, specially at work the character of Sol Myung-sook and Kim Yoon-gi character floating around, people who act as someone who help us and very dear to us but at the end of the day they are the exact people who wanted to destroy us. I have learn to put a wall from my work to my personal life, because not everyone has genuine love for us. 

Lastly, perhaps the best lesson that this drama could teach us is not to put so much trust on our friends, because our friends today can be our best enemy tomorrow. 

I consider two individual as my best friend whom i meet way back in college. Sam & Cha. That despite of the geographical challenge we always talk to one another and share our stories, thanks to social media who made us all connected. and set time to have a get together at least once a year. Obviously we share secrets but also we put respect to our very private life. We are open about many things, but we are also open about not wanting to share most of life simply because it is too much to explain.

As per my experience having them as friends for more than a decade, the energy remains if we know on how to set boundaries, because it doesn't mean that he/she is your friends he/she must know everything. 

What about you have you have you watch it? Then what have you learn?

Ramadan Kareem 2020

The month of Ramadan (is the month) in which the Qur’an has been sent down as guidance for mankind containing clear signs which lead (to the straight road) and distinguishing (the truth from falsehood).." (Q 2:185). 

Fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may attain taqwaa." (Q2:183) which means that Muslim around the world. The holly month of Ramadan is the most anticipated month for us Muslims, it is a chance for us to increase and renew our faith. A time for us to focus pleasing the lord who created us. A time to be with Allah. A time to repent and focus on more on our spiritual connections.

But because of the current situation (Covid19 Pandemic) our Ramadan celebrations is no longer like we have before. For the many, Ramadan is the time to get together and have Iftar (breaking of the fast) together with the whole Family, and a chance to pray together specially for Taraweh. Our situations today where hundreds of people are affected by the Covid19, Our authorities has advise us to do social distancing, have proper hygiene, only go out when needed. Which means that gathering are banned until further advise. 

But this does not mean that we have the less meaningful Ramadan. Perhaps it is the time for us to spend more with our immediate family than spending more time outside our home roaming around because now we have more time as our working hours were reduce from eight hours to six hours only. Below are the list, I myself would like to give a try for me to be able to attain a more meaningful Ramadan.

1. Listen or watch Ramadan lectures
As the Covid19 becomes pandemic, various lectures and seminars has been cancelled including Islamic talks and lectures. But this does not stop our scholars from doing their work, in fact one of my favorite Shiek Mufti Ismael Menk has series of Ramadan lectures that i always anticipate each year. There are many scholars that you can choose and listen  and watch too, so the choice is yours. Listening to them will improve your knowledge and will benefit you in this life and life hear after.

2. Read Quran and Islamic Books
If your are fun of reading you can read Quran and various Islamic books to help yourself attain more beneficial knowledge. If you don't have physical book to read you can visit https://www.kalamullah.com/ they have various e-books available to download for free covering various topics that you can really enjoy. 

A piece of advise if your getting a books from other sources to double check the source of what you are reading to ensure its authenticity.

3. Pray with Kushoo (Concentrations) 

Whoever stands in prayer during Ramadan due to faith and seeking reward, his previous sins will be forgiven. Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1905.

During the Holly month of Ramadan we are encourage to do extra prayer aside from the obligatory prayer which is really good because Allah swt reward us multiple time during this month. But also we have to bear in mind that as much as quantity matter the quality of our prayers is very important too. Khushoo is the focus of mind and humility before Allah.  So always seek Allah swt forgiveness and ask him to give you khushoo when you pray and also help yourself to concentrate by doing focus.

4. Give Charity
During the month of Ramadan we usually give more charity. The hadith below say's:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was the most generous of people and he was at his most generous during Ramadaan. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6; Muslim, 2308.

I hope that even outside Ramadan we will continue to our our obligations specially taking 2.5% from our earnings. By doing this we have help the person/people whom we shared our 2.5% while they help us build our Jannatul Firdaus.

5. Eat Healthy and Moderately
Indeed the holly month of Ramadan is blessed because we usually have a lot of food. Many gained weight during Ramadan myself included. But since last year i try to be conscious about it so i wont end up piggying.

6.Self Assessment
We are all busy in our life because we are playing various roles as Parent, sibling, workers and many more. That because of this roles it makes our day busy. Ramadan is a great time for us to assess ourself. If before you can only memorize few Surah, then try to add few more this time. Know where you are towards your connections with Allah swt, and set goals for yourself spiritually. Having a goal will  help us to have life directions and focus.

Ramadan Kareem everyone, and may Allah accept all our sacrifice and may he reward us Jannatul Firdaus!

Why most OFW's are broke?

At the middle of the crisis i meet few people who seems to be living luxurious life yet with much worries because the are in debt and if the situation may continue (Covid19) which result bad economy (loosing job, salary cut off) they will  be in huge trouble. 

On the other hand, I am always amazed by those who seems to be just ordinary who turn out to be person who does and have accomplish extraordinary and cannot be shaken by the current situations, because they have their plan up to Z. 

Our 21 years old tea boy (whom our Manager is always shouting with) owns a money exchange business in his home country Nepal. Fantastic!, at his very young age he has another income aside from his regular pay job salary. Many of  us never thought about it, as many of us depend on our regular job income. That if one day will lost our job, we become depressed because aside from the fact the most people live pay check to pay check they dont have emergency fund and savings fund. 

Additionally, most of us do not have emergency but driving a car! I am not against of owning a car (just to be clear) because if you are in Middle East and your place of work is  far from your Flat/Apartment then owning a car is much more beneficial than paying a taxi. I create this blog to dissect why many of those who earn much higher salary than our tea boy, working on executive level still do not have any business/investment on their own. 

Allow me to share to you what i have notice among my fellow OFW why they are living pay check to pay check.

1. Brand Matters

OFW's love brands, i see many of our Kababayan who wear and own Lacoste, LV, Chanel, Iphone, and many other brand items/products that you can see in market. I agree that we should  reward our self after a hard work, but too many of us only buy not less than the branded cloths and items. Right? In which it is safe to say that buying branded items becomes part of our system. 

And for those who do not have expenses tracker may say "where did my money go?" it is because those little purchases adds up, and if your buying yourself those branded items it will add more. Now, don't get me wrong because am a fan of branded too, but i see to it that i buy them meeting my three criteria.

1. I pay in cash (No Credit Card) without sacrificing my meals & other bills to pay.

2. Quality (it will last long)

3. I need it.

If any of this criteria wasn't meet, then i will set aside buying that certain items for a month even if i have money to pay, and Wallah most of the time, i forgot the items already.

2. OOTD Matters

Our Kababayan are one of those best dressed. From head to toes. They really know what to buy, what to wear. Take a snap and post it to social media. But those OOTD adds up to their expenses specially if it becomes too frequent, and knowing Filipinos not everyone may want to wear same dress again and again.

3. Chibugan is a must

We all love to eat, especially if we are going out with our friends, office mates, and families. In my opinion their is nothing wrong about it, but what makes it wrong is its frequency and if we dont set budget will always end up spending more.

4. Less or no financial literacy at all

Saving alone your hard earn money will never make you live a comfortable life. We have to change our life style, know cash flow, and find various business and investment that would help us earn more money aside from the money that we are earning from our regular job.

The best way to do this is to educate yourself. Stop going into the crowd! When i say crowd don't go for popular investment not until you are fully aware of its pros and cons. 

Do not put your hard earn money into something you don't fully understand, do not be believe those sweet sales talk of the products, business and investment that you know nothing about. One thing that you need to do, is to do a favor towards yourself and that is "TO KNOW". Because little knowledge is always dangerous specially if it comes to investment.

5. Sending all earn money home

We are all here because we aim to have a greener pasture and future for our family. But the sad thing is that we forgot to educate our family back home about the importance of financial literacy. To my observation what really happen is that, if we send them 20,000 php they spend it all and it is not even enough, and if we send 30,000 php and more they spend it all and still not enough.

If your one of those OFW who send all your money back home, you will surely go home broke, the worst, your family will even question you as to where did you put your money you earning all this years. 

They didn't realize that every month they are receiving all your wages.Sigh.....

6. Pasalubong sa Barangay
Because of social media and our excitement to go home, we often post it via social media that we are going home. I've realized that even in today's era many people back home think that we are earning alot of money, that they expect us to give them pasalubong whenever we go home. 

OFW's has a very soft heart, they don't want to disappoint their love one about it, some are very wise to set a budget for it, while others barrow money and splurge just to please their love ones back home. If we can only orient them of our real situation here abroad then they will understand what we are going through. That perhaps we can see the change in our self and our love one to, that is to save more than spending.

7. No early retirement plan
When i share my goal of retiring very at 40-45 (If Gods will) i was shock by how people react to, many of those whom i know would say "your too young to retire","are you sure?" and many other random comments.

Let me barrow a retirement definition from Mr. Chinkee Tan "When i retire it doesn't mean that my earning will stop because my expenses will never stop" Early retirement is a broad topic, that even after reading the book of Robert Kiyoski "Retire Rich and Young" i still have so many question towards it. But one things is for sure, we have to consider and make a plan as early as now, because if we fail to plan, we will surely fail to achieve it.

Developing mental strength at the middle of crisis

Many of those who are extrovert (out-going) person suffers alo't because of Corona Virus quarantine/lock-downs because they are not used to stay at home, while the introvert (not out-going) person are rejoicing. To wither we consider yourself as introvert or extrovert we are all affected because CoVID19 is now pandemic. 

Normal activities has been stop just like buying groceries, visiting malls, going out with friends are now restricted and to some countries forbidden and even imposed heavy penalty. But we have to  bear in mind that our authorities are doing their job to isolate this case and we can live freely very soon, therefore we have to obey them and keep our self safe. During this crisis, many has been depressed facing various issues. Our feeds has been mostly about CoVID19 and it adds anxiety to us to myself included that at many times i refuse to scroll further and only get info that is beneficial to me and my sanity. Alo't of business are loosing sales while some are blooming specially those pharmacies and deliveries. Some people has lost their job while some are frontliners. Delivering services to our Covid19 patient while risking their lifes, indeed they are our true modern heroes! Salute!

Whatever problem you are facing today as long as you are not having CoVID19 consider yourself as lucky, and keep on improving yourself. But how do we stay mentally strong during this crisis? I have written few points on how to keep our mental strength.

1. Wake up with gratitude

We are already in a very depressing world, CoVID19 headlines is everywhere, sometimes we become paranoid following up every inch of details about it, and we see that the number of victims are increasing, and the deaths are going high. 

Rather that going straight into our phone scrolling your feeds, thank God for being awake  and be thankful that all your senses are working perfectly. Simple and since prayer will lighten up your day, the proceed making up your bed. And enjoy your morning coffee by listening to an inspirational thoughts that will bust your energy. 

2. Be nice to yourself

Many of us, myself included are brutal to myself. I always set goals, and i punish myself whenever if i miss my target. At 30's i wanted to give myself a twist and that is to love myself and appreciate my effort in every little way possible. I still set goals, but if i failed, i look at the effort that i did, and how much i have grown up as a person. Because perhaps i need more time and effort before i can realized my goals.

Being nice to myself makes me accomplished more goals with joy and less stress.

3. Opportunity over challenges

Life has struggle, pain and sorrow, no one are exempted. Even billionaires has problems, but to how we react to every battle will make or break us as individual. Instead of being angry to the world seeing how unfair life for you, look at the opportunity to re-invent yourself. In many cases, God give us problem to find another way to do something and achieve things beyond our comfort  zone. 

If during this time you hate your job because it add more stress to you, then be thankful that you still have your job because a lot of people has lost their job. And if your one of those who lost their job, then find alternative ways to earn money rather than staying broke and stress. Look for virtual assistance opportunity or many other work from home job that you may like to try.

4. Declutter

If you are reading my blog few time now, probably you will always read the word declutter. When i say declutter i don't mean of just material possession, i also point out our mental, emotional decluttering, by doing so will really help you achieve inner calmness. 

5. Develop joyful hobbies

When a person becomes severely stress some go to a place where they can simply scream. Some want to isolate themselves. 

While we all have to address our struggle we can also develop a hobby that would divert our attention. In my case i know that i am stress alot when i started to make funny drawings. But i opted to draw than to go wild and angry.

6. Healthy lifestyle

Eat right kind of food at the right amount and develop a emotional and mental healthy choices. By having this our life comes to order.

7. Self-reward

Give your self a treat specially if you have done something great, or have move from point A to B. By doing this you are encouraging yourself to become better. Make it a fun and exciting experience as always. 

At the end of the day develop a connection with God, because by having faith to the Lord who created us,  we will attain good self disposition! stay positive and stay wise!