31 Life Lesson I've Learn in 31 Years

1. Know yourself and goal

By knowing yourself you will eventually be able to define your passion, goal and aspiration.

This are the factor that you can use to have life directions. Having a clear aspiration can lead

you to a more distinct and clearer path of life.

2. Self-love and respect is powerful

Learn to love and respect yourself more than ENOUGH, because you can never share what you do not have, having a genuine love and respect towards yourself naturally illuminate and spread out to the people around you.

3. Be Grateful

Be grateful for what you have, you will end up having more. Do not wait until you lost what you have before realizing its important and values.

4. Create your own dream for yourself

Hello, Love, Goodbye is a 2019 Filipino black-buster movie where Joy (Katherine Bernardo) work very hard building her family dream, yet at the end, the people she involve in that dream has another dream. On a personal note, i dream that my mother will live with me in the desert because here i have work and enough resources to support her, after a month of bringing her here, she was depressed as her heart, soul and happiness were all in the Philippines.

5. Balance your emotional attachment

We meet people in our life that at times we felt so much comfortable that we invest so much emotions but life is indeed un-predictable, sometimes your best buddies now can be your enemy in the future, learn to balance emotional attachment so you can cope up easily when thing don't go your way.

6. Health matters

Choose healthy lifestyle by having enough rest (both mental, emotional and physical). Treat yourself with healthy food options  and enough rest, our health is the foundation of who we are and what we have. 

7. Say "NO" without explaining it

If you dis-agree on something, dislike what you are hearing or you don't like what other people are offering, politely say no without explaining yourself.

8. Never apologize for being brutally honest

Many times, people in front of us specially those whom we love has lost their way or made mistakes. Frankly tell them the truth even if its not good for the ears, because that's what they need for them to wake up and realized that they are already wrong.

9. Stay Private

In the world of social media, where you take snap of yourself almost everyday routine you do means exposing your self to danger. Keeping yourself private will benefit you in the long run in many ways.

10. Choose people who choose you

Not everyone will priority you, so be with those who choose you, and not those who make you as their option.

11. Embrace your sadness

When time comes feeling that the universe is all against you and you are feeling the pain embrace it, cry and be sad, allow yourself to feel down. But after those drama, get up, and never live life sad again. 

12. Learn to walk away

There are relationship that seems to be sour as the days goes by, may it be from your family, friends, colleague, or your romantic relationship, walk away when you find yourself becomes an options, when the love and passion is gone, when the happiness turns into sorrow, walk away.

13. Educate yourself

Ignorance of the Law is not an excuse, educate yourself by reading available reading materials around you, you will be surprise how much information that you can get and maybe use it in the future.

14. Learn from other people mistakes
They say experience is the best teacher, but just like what Chinkie Tan said "learn from other people mistakes and experience".

15. Spend for experience

Experiencing something new is always exciting and the value never fade in the long run. One very good example is Travel.

16. Don’t be a shock absorbed

In our life we will meet a people that even without asking would blast out all their problems to us, and it feels so heavy and burn out after listening to them. Stay away from this kind of people, bear in mind you have your own problem to solve, where you need much more energy.

17. You can never correct a person who want to be wrong

Whoever Allah guide no one can mis-guide, and whoever Allah mis-guide no one can guide. End of argument!

18. Travel makes you learn

Go to foreign places that no one know you and you never knew anyone, emerge yourself to cultures and tradition but bear in mind to keep your religion with you and learn a lesson that a foreign place teaches you and be ready to discover yourself more.

19. Respect and Treat your Parents

Regardless of the difference of opinion respect your parents, because they are only people who will help you and teach you to stand again when you fall down. If you have the money, travel with them, their reactions towards the experience is priceless.

20. Pay attention to process

Perhaps because the time that am writing this article Kobe Bryant was a trending topic, that the MAMBA mentality is popular. What i really learn from this legend is when he said "it's not the destination, its the journey"

21. Be Minimalist

The less you pay attention towards material things the more you can focus towards life more important things. Minimalism has alo't of benefits for us to discover that will help us attend to our emotional, psychological, mental, physical and spiritual needs. Along the way even your emotional baggage has been de-cluttered.

22. Quality over quantity

They say when you grow old you will realized that a 1,000$ is same as 100$ watch, it gives you same time. But its value overtime won't! For me its better to buy 1 watch that would last you for lifetime with value and you can be pass to next generation than owe hundreds of watch without value.

23. Never jeopardize the job that pay your bills

Stop complaining about how terrible the job you have, how bad your boss is, if you don't have money to pay your bill after loosing your job, just work and leave your work site with joy thanking God for having a work. You don't know how many people wish to have the job you are sick of.

24. Your job is not your life

Don't kill yourself working too MUCH!, have life after work and leave all the work in your office. Do not bring it at home.

25. Don’t fall into bad debt
If you cannot afford to buy something in cash,then save 1st before before buying it.

26. Spend Less, Save more

Buy what you need and not what you want, because your want is unlimited while your money is limited. Stop splurging into something just because everyone has it. Be like ant who save for rainy days, because only you yourself can save yourself in times of need. You will be surprise by how many people turn away from you when you need them.

27. No to bad investment.

Don't believe in easy money, that is a scam, go for safe and reliable investment. Putting your hard earn money to a so good to be true investment is a waste that will lead you to bankruptcy.

28. Never enter into a money dealing without legal contract

My mom always remind me, Money is evil, even sibling get conflict when money is involve. So always have a proof of transactions so you wont end up getting "am sorry". Coz that sorry will never return your hard earn money!

29. Social Media is lonely

While we see almost perfect photo and video everything has a story, and most of it are from people who are lonely and trying to have life validation.

30. Stop being what the society want for you
Don't be what the society expect you if this is not what you really want, follow what bring you joy, and live by it.

31. Pray 

Always remember that a person who has God in his heart never failed. No matter what you do, remember the one who made you!

This article is inspired by Joshua Fields Millburn  essay and Leo Babauta.

Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, Life Lesson

When i was in college, a good friend of mine Cha often talk about the book of Paulo Coelho particularly the Zahir & Alchemist. I was in college when i 1st read this beautiful book and i consider it as one of the best book i have read so far, one of my favorite to be exact! After more than 10 years am kin to read it again and i believe that today i have a better understanding of the book than i have before. 

Reading it again made me realized that nothing defeat the stories that can be found in the holly Quran, as the story of the Greatest man even step into Egypt Joseph (Prophet Yusuf) was also mentioned in this book. The story of Prophet Yusuf is one of my favorite stories of the Quran because of his fate towards the lord who created him, and the man who never give up in life challenges until his dream was realized. Prophet Yusuf has once said to his father:

"O my father! I did see eleven stars and the sun and the moon: I saw them prostrate themselves to me!

Surah 12 (Yusuf) Ayah 4

Similarly the book Alchemist is about the young shepherd name Santiago who had a dream of having a treasure near pyramid in Egypt. Achieving his dream was never easy of course. Just like in real life we will experience alot' of life challenges and obstacles. But why Paulo Coelho book are for those who have dreams? What makes it a must read book?. I have the following life lesson from his book.

1. Have a dream/goals and ambitions

Having life aspiration will lead us having life directions. It like driving a car that first we need to know which place do we want to go and then we shall take route going there. 

Santiago dream of having a treasure near the Pyramid in Egypt. Because he wanted to achieve this dream Santiago decide to work towards the realization of this dream.

2. Education

After knowing what is that you really want to achieve then have a proper Education on how to get there. In the story of Santiago, he meet a Fortune teller, the King and the Alchemist who guide him towards his journey. In life knowing technical know how on how to achieve what we really wanted in essential. 

On a personal point of view we should let the experience of others teach and serve as our best teacher and life greatest lesson. What i mean by that? If for example what we want in life is to have financial stability so we can retire at the age of 50, then we should learn from the financial stable individual and those who are financial coach because they can tell us various saving method for us to realized our goal. Asking those shopaholics will never give us benefits because we know for sure that all they know is how to spend the money and not the other way around.

3. Know the snake

Santiago has meet a man whom he thought would help him to go to Egypt, who promise to assist him buy a camel to be used as they travel to Egypt, but at the end of the day that very person is the exact person who steal Santiago money, and so he end up broke. 

In real life, snake can be found within our vicinity and they always have a honey in their lips whispering us words good for our ears, yet their heart if full of venom. 

I have meet those kind of people in my life, and believe me they are too good in winning our heart, and after we felt very hook to their kindness, they don't just stab us, but the rob what we have. They are the snake in a form of a good friend, good relatives and a good samaritan.

My advise would be not everyone who seems to be kind has good intention on us,stay in high caution.

4. Distractions and change of heart

Along Santiago journey he meet a crystal merchant where he made a money enough for him to buy many sheep. In this stage he almost give up on his dream for he have achieve success and having enough money and can be considered a rich man if he go back to his hometown.

In our life their are situation where the change of heart happen because we become contented of what we have. I am not suggesting that we should be greedy, but what i am trying to say is that the achievement we achieve along our journey towards the realization of our dreams is a bonus factor, that we should continue to quest for the dream we always wanted. Never  stop until you're there.

5. Time

When we are in college, as we are about to write our college thesis we are always advise to have a SMART goal (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound). The Crystal merchant has lost his time in attaining his dream which is to have a pilgrimage to the holly land of Makkah. 

In our life we have various dreams and life aspiration, but have we set a time frame? If not then we should. Having a time frame means not just letting the clock tick, rather putting a value to it.

6. Choose people who choose you and your dreams

On his journey to the desert, Santiago meet Fatimah, instead of Fatimah stopping Santiago he push him to continue his journey for the realization of his dream.

Being an OFW i have meet various people across life and i have learn alo't along my journey too. I have meet a young gentleman who made a very difficult life choice. To be with his girlfriend or work abroad. This gentleman choose working abroad  because of his aim to have  greener pasture, in other words he need to broke up with her girlfriend. The young gentleman has achieve his dream of having a greener pasture, he also meet his beloved abroad and they are happily married.

I also meet another womna in her 40's during my vacation in Philippines, who choose love over working abroad. According to her, because his now husband didn't want him to work abroad, he choose to stay and forget about working abroad. As i wrote this they are happily married. But despite of it all she always ask her self, "what if i went abroad?", i can see the deepest regret in her face, and will surely forever imagine herself stepping into a foreign land. Just like the Crystal Merchant he is too old for that dreams and surely she will die asking herself again and again, what if....

7. Learn to Gamble

Because the tribe's man of the desert are in war, the Alchemist and Santiago were catch. The Alchemist said to him after giving all his fortune "Its not everyday that money saves a man".

In this story, Santiago and the Alchemist was 3 days to live. Thanks to his fortune! In reality, achieving our dreams is a not free at all. At times we need to use our fortune towards the realization of that dream, the main point is to believe in that dream and never be afraid to gamble.

8. Believe in Impossible

The tribes man want Santiago to turn into wind that will blow their tent, although it is impossible but he made it. If we have the power to believe in ourself that we can achieve what we always wanted and work towards it, we will always win our life battle.

9. Live with the present

We mostly live our life worrying to much. Many of us has bad past that pull  us down in achieving success in our now. On the other hand we also live worrying for what will happen in the future. If we only learn and try to bring our-self into now, we will appreciate life beauty in struggle and in success.

10. Concentrate

Our intuition will tell us which road should we take, but at times it is our heart that destruct us. We worry for whom we have left behind. In Alchemist Santiago worries about his return to Fatima, and how long will he be gone. But his worry will never help him at all, it will just distract him from achieving his dream.

11. Forget what If

Worrying about what will come out wrong is a step away from our dreams. In is a human nature to worry about the un-foreseen events. Those "what if i failed, what if i did not succeed" and many more what if... If those what if are stopping us, then they are hindrance to our success, but if our what if will bring us closer to our dreams, that what if we didn't do anything to achieve our dreams then those what if's are fuel to our dreams.

12. No regrets

I live by this life principle "if my dreams and life aspiration is not against the law and my religion, then going to get it".

In my life i consider myself as dream hunter, if i want something even if its the most impossible dreams and aspiration, i would cross life limitations just to have it. Sometimes life brings me success towards those aspiration, and at times i failed, but rather than calling it as a failure i choose to say "life lesson". 

Why? because i never regrets stupid things that i did, but i regret few chances that i let go because of my fear of loosing.

Lastly for you to achieve your dream is to believe in yourself and never forget the lord who created you. Nothing beats a person who has God in his heart.

So have you read the Alchemist? if yes then please share the life lesson you had from this book, and if not then i highly recommend you read this book.

Job-hunt struggle in Qatar

Looking for a job in Qatar is getting difficult as the years goes by. Back in 2010 when i 1st enter this country I found a job within a week and had a very good offer as a fresh graduate. Moving forward, after 10 years I am back searching for a job, and I can see total opposite.

Qatar change within just a decade; they become a big name despite of being a tiny nation size after winning the bid to host the 2022 FIFA World Cup. The roads becomes full of cars and buildings constructions is left to right, it has move to up-scale without a doubt.

But finding a job is really another story especially after the oil crisis that really hit many companies to come to rescission, the worst force to close because they have no projects. Some of the employee who have work during those times are ask to reduce consumption and ask to help the company find ways to save money. At present 2020, finding a job is really difficult. i have list various factors which affect job seekers as below. 

1.     Job Offers vs Salary Offers

                                                                                    

There’s a lot of job posting that you can see from various job portals and website and even in big newspapers in Qatar, but the problem is the salary offers. I have seen many job offers who are looking for people with 5 years + experience but would only give you a 4,000 QAR  (approx. 1,100.00 USD) ALL-IN. Which means you have to pay for your own accommodation, transportation and food from that package?

·          

It was indeed a pity for mid-career to receive this offer and surely most of them have this offer when they are starting or few years back. Calculating an Individual need based on the above salary offer for mid-career considering the high cost of living in this beautiful country.

2.     Accommodation     

                                                                                               

800qar-1,500qar for a bed-space, shared or single/shared un-furnished room. I have seen a room share by 4 or more people specially those who low-income worker are using a double deck where privacy is really difficult. But this is the only way for them to cut cost and save penny so they can support their family and love-ones back in their home country. What a pity :(

Transportation                                                                                                                   
If you’re paying for your uber/taxi for 20qar/way this means that you are paying 40 qar/day. (Back and forth to your work and accommodation). Just imagine how much you’re spending!!!

Foods                                                                                                                             
An average of 500-1,000qar/person are spend for food for one month in Qatar based on my random inquiry and mostly this are just basic 3x a day food (breakfast, lunch and dinner). Because not everyone can eat biryani, kubos or chicken for our entire stay in Qatar, hey?

Food is our basic needs, and we really need to pay attention on our health because taking it for-granted will result to sickness and if we are sick we lost our earnings, because our body is our main asset. So we should always choose healthy food options as much as we can.

Phone Bills                                                                                                                      
As an expat we have to call our family and love ones in our home country and of course as much as we have internet connection in our accommodation or work-site still we need to spend money to buy phone credits for our personal use.   

Money Back home                                                                                                          
Of course the main reason why we are abroad is for us to support our family and give them a greener pasture. That at times we sacrifice a lot here just to send them a monthly allowance that no matter how small we earn, sending money home is a MUST to all of us.

3.     Job Offers vs Office Locations

Some of the offers where from the company located in far place, or maybe sophisticated locations like the Pearl, Lusail, and ect.... For  a 1st time job seekers in Qatar which means they are new to Qatar, there is no way that they can afford to live near this sophisticated place unless they have a family members living there, or they are in managerial position for them to afford the rent and the only way to go there is to hire a transportation which may cost them a lot of money. 

But we cannot blame those who opted to get car-lift because getting a driving license in Qatar can be a pain in the ass, you need to really exert money to pay for your school and time to go back and forth to your driving school for your training. Plus the fact that being able to acquire driving license is not a easy as 10 years ago. For the part of the driver, he has a car to maintain, a gasoline to pay, in other words he also need money same as we do so asking standard amount is a must.

The sad truth is that many companies in Qatar do not provide transportation and accommodation to their employee. They will just provide you an all in cash incentives, while others does provide but not really convenient or comfortable accommodation. And if the job seekers is already in Qatar for a long time, who are lucky to have car they will face the dilemma of driving back and forth to work. Driving in Qatar has become very difficult now a days.

Traffic
I can see there are more and more car in Qatar and the traffic is getting worse especially during rush hours

Constructions
Its all over Qatar now, sometimes you just need to go on the other side but due to on-going constructions you need to use the other road which sometimes you cannot simply make U-turns.

Bad Drivers
I have seen various traffic accident, sometimes because they rush to the place where they want to go, while others are on their phone while driving. Aside from that are those drivers who will pissed you just to get your lane. And as if they will hit your car if you dont give them way especially those who are driving big cars!

Oh never forget those who are having fun on their lights at night, and if driving a saloon car like i have you almost get blind. sigh...

4.     Job Offers vs Visa

Resident Visa in Qatar is our passport to stay and work without a worry. While some company may have the good financial offer they don’t have visa available. As much as not everyone has their family in Qatar, this company is choosing people who are under Family Resident Visa because this way they can save cost and they don’t have to worry for their employee visa.

It is a sad reality that although the job has a very good offer but because of the visa we say no to them. While others are brave enough to accept that job and go buy visa elsewhere which in my opinion is costly because not all sponsor are kind enough, many of them will give you trouble at the end of the day, because this SHARK visa giver will squeeze you to pay ridiculous amount of money just to keep your visa. And because we are all here to earn money we accept them rather than going back to our home country and earn nothing. 

5. Job Offers vs Working Hours

Some companies do have quite difficult working hours (am not talking about sales job because i know that they are meant to be flexible) what i mean are those having broken time office workers. In my opinion it is difficult and costly especially if you need to go back and forth to your accommodations.

Productivity of an individual and the result of great work output is not about how long you have stayed in the office. Judging from the major company who has a very good financial standing most of them work only 5x a week and the productivity of their employee is really high. I am also certain that if the company will reduce the length of time they will save electricity, food and other bills

Having written the above my advice is simply consider the following before accepting your job offer.

• Salary
• Office Locations
• Accommodation
• Working Hours
• Other benefits (Bonus, Air fare ticket, medical benefits)
• Contract Terms and Conditions which may include Termination terms and conditions (such as notice period) and NOC.

Books for better life

Reading has been huge part of my life, I remember that when i was in my 1st year high school when i begun to have interest in reading tagalog pocketbooks and comics (remember that Carlo J. Caparas comics?), i remember myself do trade pocketbooks with my classmates and sometimes we do rent pocketbooks at the store in front of our school.

There are only few things that interest me back then, pocket books and playing badminton. When we are in 3rd year high school, our class was always caught reading pocketbooks, for certain reason our teachers don't like those activities for us, saying that we are too young to read romantic books but despite of discouragement i still continue to read pocketbooks until college. I really lost count how many i have read specially its series.

In 2008 someone told me about the book of Art of War book written by Sun Tsu, and because the said book is not available in North Cotabato so i really convince my brother to buy me one and ship it to me. I was so happy when he did, and this book has bring my love for reading into the next level. I consider myself lucky because when i was in college i have a academically achiever friends Sam (our Cum Laude) and Cha (College Scholar) who share the same past time "reading". I remember Cha introduce me to Paulo Coelho books, she often talk about Alchemist and Zahir.

Even though i am fun of reading, i am not academically achiever, in fact am not a good student, i felt like classroom is the most boring place i ever spend my life with listening to the boring lectures. I can only recall very few times where i enjoy my class from high school to college. I really felt sleepy, and i always wish that our professor will say something which is practical to life will blow my mind and would challenge the way i think. But sad to say, most of what they are going to teach us, are from the textbook, given to us on the 1st day of class. 

Right after college graduation i was lucky enough to be part of the USAID-GEM scholar that give me a chance to study University of the Phililippines-Diliman. Entering their library and checking the references that they have is so magical on my experience, i told myself i only have read 1cm of this so i have to read further. What interest me the most is that the proffesors used various sources during class lectures. They also share current events during the class, beginning on that time, news was no boring at all.

But why reading? what i got from it? Let me dissect various benefits to you one by one based on my experience.

1. Decrease stress
If your are employee reading is one of the best escape from a very long and tiring office work. Based on my experience through reading i forgot the demand of the work, it help me reduce stress specially if we are on deadline submitting tender documents wherein we all cramp and in a hurry.

2. Decrease depression
We all go through depression as we face various real life challenges, some are light while others are too heavy in our heart. People are too hesitant to open up about the emotional struggle that they are facing, in today's world where information is just a click away being a regular reader of various materials available for us will help you fight depression, their are so many books that talks about it, books that would help you, guide you on how to deal with depression. Either your reading a book related to it or a book of your preference by simply channeling your energy into other task  you are curing yourself.

3. Help us be calm 
I can say that i am harsh and always in a hurry, i want things to be done as soon as possible. I hate waiting and maniana habit.... But after reading various self-improvement books like Spark Joy by Marie Kondo the ikigai by Hector Garcia i have learn on how to tone down and enjoy the world around me. 

Before i used  to wake up at 7am and rush going to Office as i need to be in office by 8am. What change about my routine is  waking up at 5am, take my 1st sip of coffee at home and drive to work without a rush. Doing this make me accomplished so many things at an early hours and makes me feel calm and relax whole day.

4. Improves memory
Having multiple surgery with various cases my memory has been affected. A lot of information my my short term memory has been affected. Their are times i i forgot my password and its really frustrating whenever it happen. 

Aside from journal, reading has improve alot my memory. Before bed, i always try to recall what i did the whole day, and what particular book i read and i always wrote them in my journal. In the morning i always try to recall what happen yesterday and check through my journal if its right or wrong. 

5. Improve writing abilities
It is always been my dream to write an article, back in high school i used to write poems, but my grammar and sentence organization is very poor & until now (hahaha). But now that i am on my 30's even though i face a lot of self-criticisms on my own article i don't want to stop simply because if i wont do now, i can never do it in the future. 

Also by putting my work into public, it will be subject to public scrutiny and might be that someone out their will correct my work. If your a reader, ideas and imaginations runs when you write, sometimes you just keep on hitting the key board without realizing that you already made an article. 

6. Enhance Imagination
When you read, your imaginations travel towards the book, sometimes you visualized what is happening and may sometimes predict what will happen to the character. 

7. Boost Sleep
In today's modern era we are into our cellphone most of the time, we check our phone before we sleep and check to when we wake up in the morning, most of the time even before we had our first sip of coffee. By checking our phone before we sleep it leads to insomnia because the blue light emitted by screens on cell phones restrain the production of melatonin, the hormone that controls your sleep/wake cycle or circadian rhythm. 

I have observe that although i try to be at bed at 9pm i end up sleeping at 12 midnight the worst even 1pm. Because of these, i try to put away my phone by 9pm, put it on silent mode except the alarm, and rather than watching videos i opted to read books and it really help me have quality of sleep that gives me energy the next day.

8. Entertainment 

While most of the people do it for educational purposes, many of us does read to entertain our-self. For an avid reader it is amazing how times flies when we read. Sometimes we concentrate alot because the books that we read were too good that we are hook to turn to the next page.

9. Increase knowledge

It is always nice and interesting to talk to a person who could rebut or talk about almost anything under the sun. An informative individual is always fun to talk with. Reading any available materials for us will help us sharpen our mind and add more beneficial knowledge.

10. Better Lifestyle

Specially if you are fan of reading self-improvements books, reading will help us put directions in our life. I always believe that at times "we are what we read". When i was in college i am avid fan of books related to art of argumentation, and  i always end up questioning people around me. But now that am already in my 30's i choose books that would make me feel good, and improve my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being.

I always rush to drive going to office because i have this habit of drinking my 1st coffee in front of my table while browsing news. But hence i came across various books that would suggest me to wake up early and enjoy your morning coffee at the comfort of your room i tried it, i was amazed by how much it improve my mood and how productive i was.

Reading has been huge part of my-life, it has a self joy that reading gives me. So, do you enjoy reading as well?  Can you share to me your favorite books and why?

Moving on from Bad Relationship

Moving on from a bad relationship can be struggle for many. Either it is from our ex-sweetheart, family, relatives, friends and office mates we all had our previous relationship that didn't have a good goodbye because of several issues and reasons. Many of us opted to cut ties because they are no longer good for our mental health or simply it didn't work at all. 

We invest emotions and time, two main investment that we can never gain back once we give, we invest without us realizing it, and having them as part of our life for a very long time it is natural to say that they have become part of who we are, and so when time comes that we have to take our separate ways, we have difficulty in moving forward, STRUGGLE is REAL!

Most of the time, copping up from this dramatic change of our life leads to depression unknowingly that affect our entire life and systems. In our society today going to a psychologist for a help is still a taboo, although we see so many random post about fighting emotional struggle, sometimes many of us are still un-aware or hesitant to admit that we already need a helping hand. I have meet few people that live their life into total 360  turn after having a bad relationship and i dedicate this article to them and to anyone who are silently going through hell right now, and i hope that this blog will help you somehow.

1. Embrace your pain

Its OK to feel the pain, express yourself by crying out loud and trying to show to the people around you that you are not OK for the time being. Embracing your painful experience rather than trying to pretend that you are OK has the possibilities that you can cope up immediately. 

I have seen alo't of Kdrama where the character straightly go to nearby place to have Soju (Korean Beer) after a bad break, lock her door, cry all out, and madly go insane for the time being, until they wakes up, look themselves into the mirror and try to start fixing their room, then their self to start life ALONE!. Although those are just drama, our-life is no far from it. If we only learn on how to embrace whatever struggle we are experiencing on the spot then surely we can learn to let it go, i am not saying struggles go after that night, perhaps it may take time but at least we wont live our entire life having those baggage's.

2. Forgive yourself

When we are hurting and the pain is still affecting us the tendency of having a blame game trying to analyze what went wrong is high. More often than not we blame our-self despite the fact that we have given all of who we are to make the relationship work. 

We say "what if i did this, what if i did that" because we hope that can still fixed and iron the relationship. We jump into various conclusion but even those  "what if's" wont work, we blame our-self for not being able to be who we are not.

3. Dont go back

Many time, we have that person in our-life for quite a while and they become part of our system, parting ways will always be difficult. Sometimes we delete their numbers but even if we did not save on our phone we know if its them or not. right?

Then we get frustrated when our phone rang and its not him/her. The worst we use to check their social media account to know their where about. Then if we know that they are already having a new one we get more depressed....

3. Divert your attention

Keeping our-self busy and channeling our energy to a more productive task will help us take our attention away from over thinking. 

4. Hangout

If before you cannot go out with your friends and family because you are busy with someone else, this is the time for you to go back to your family and friends perhaps you are missing alot of things with them. 

It doesn't necessary that going our with family meaning sharing everything because sometimes we are not that comfortable, but as long as we know that we have family and friends that back on us surely we can cope up because we felt the energy and love from them.

5. Focus on yourself

If before we always say "for you, for them" then its time to say "for me". Many people associate self-love to selfishness, but actually its not. 

Loving our-self and prioritizing our needs and wants is not the act of selfishness. We cannot give what we do not have, so if we don't have enough love and respect for our-self, we cannot give enough love and respect to other people.

6. Be Honest

Even if the relationship is over we pretend it to be just doing fine, we avoid our common friends so we don't have to explain and answer so many questions. In my opinion we don't owe anyone an explanation, sometimes after a heartbreak it is best to share it only with the most trusted one and not to many people because it create gossip later on, but being honest with our-self is the most important decision. Its over, and it wont work, at the end of the day it is us who cry silently in our pillow that deals with all the emotions and not anyone else. As they say "you can lie to many but never to yourself"

7. Accept

Accepting that things doesn't really go the way you always wanted it to be is the best decision that you can ever made for yourself to heal. Accepting that you can no longer be with that person, accepting that the present situation doesn't permit... Just simply accept what you can. It may take time, but at least you will get into it.

8. Give yourself a time

Give yourself a time to heal, a time to recover and a time to renew yourself. Transition will never happen overnight, it always requires time just like our physical wounds, so take one day at a time, no matter how slow your progress would be as long as your moving forward then you will be ok. Trust me!

9. Be Free and Travel

After soaking yourself to the life battles and agony its time for you to be FREE, free from the blame, free from pain, free from what hurt you and whats the best way to achieve it is through a good travel to the place where you can just be by yourself. Many people  who have been into a bad situation find themselves going away from the noise, they travel to the place which is new to them, find peace and come back new. It doesn't mean you need to go overseas if you cannot afford it, at least in a place where you find solitude, peace and calmness.

10. Pray

Nothings beats a person who has god in their life,praying for peace and giving everything you can't control to the one who made you is the best thing that you can to calm yourself and successful in overcoming whatever you are going through....

Have you been into bad relationship break-up? Is it with your love-one, friends, or family? Have you cope-up? please share to us your experience.